
Cancer changes everything and its not just for the person who has been diagnosed with cancer.
Friends and families are affected too, an individual persons upbringing and beliefs may bring up complex feelings and they may not know how to deal with your cancer diagnosis. The closeness of the relationship between family or friends and the person with cancer may also bring its own challenges.
Cancer has a massive effect on both the person diagnosed with cancer and those closest to them. Feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, stress or even mourning for the life they had planned. Relationships may become challenging as the stress of the diagnosis and treatment take hold. Sometimes the diagnoses causes a role reversal if the partner who has always been in control becomes more dependent and the supporting partner has to take on extra responsibilities which they have no experience in. The person with cancer may not want their partner to know all the details of their disease, they may try to protect them from the stress or worry.
The supporting partner or caregiver will at some point need to take on extra tasks, this may be in addition to working. If the person with cancer is the sole breadwinner and they are unable to work then the caregiver or partner may need to return to work to help support the family and this is in addition to caregiving tasks.
The situation can leave both people feeling angry, frightened, frustrated, resentful, sad, anxious and guilty. Its important to keep talking to each other and to support one another, this can strengthen a relationship.
Friends – it may come as a surprise but some friends are just not up to the task, you will definitely find out who you can count on to help you along the journey. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and accept help where given. Friends who offer help are a godsend, if you have children the other mums may do the school run for you and/or have playdates. You may also find you meet new friends who help you on this journey. A good support network around you will make all the difference and reduce your overall stress.
Talking to a trained therapist or counsellor is important, especially if a couple are not freely able to speak to each other because they don’t want to hurt the others feelings or they don’t want to express their feelings to their partner.
Sexual relations are often affected by cancer and the treatment of cancer. Talking about this as a couple is important but if this isn’t possible then seek help from a trained therapist, counsellor or your GP.
A cancer diagnosis may derail your hopes and dreams for the future, as you mourn for what might not be possible. Don’t think you have to change your future plans completely, you merely place them on hold whilst you take a detour. Work on short term goals such as finishing cancer treatment, then taking some time to recover fully before you resume work. A positive outlook can and does improve outcome.
Children are very intuitive and will often know more than you think, its important to talk to them, let them know that you are unwell and that you need more help until you are better. Encourage them to talk to you about how they are feeling, they might also hear stories from other children so its important to speak to them about the situation without frightening them. Children may become distant, clingy or play-up, whilst they adjust to the changes in the home and family.